How To Avoid Gossip And Stay Popular

Gossip is and will always be a part of the work environment. Whether it's during a quick chat over a morning cup of coffee or a marathon session at happy hour, we've all started or repeated a rumor about someone in their absence. In fact, employees gossip up to sixty-five hours a year at work, according to a July 2002 survey by Equisys. That's a lot of time wasted around the water cooler.Counterproductive gossip and its contagious effects drain people's time and energy, destroy morale, and stifle creativity. Unfortunately, the rise of social media and interoffice technology is making it easier to start a rumor. You don't even need to rally an audience. A harmless IM can spread around the office like wildfire and have serious consequences. But it's not always so innocent. Some people plant rumors just to sully someone's reputation and get ahead. So what are you to do? Can you get ahead without joining the conversation? Is it so wrong to want to feel included, even if it comes at another's expense? Besides, if it's not her, it could be me, right? Wrong. You can survive and thrive without maligning relationships and alienating others. Here's how to deal with gossip without crippling your career.Next Page: If Your Coworker Is A Gossip [page]IF YOUR BOSS OR COWORKER IS A GOSSIP: Let's face it. Gossip is rarely frowned upon. In fact, depending on the company's culture, many offices actually encourage it, especially if there's an insecure boss at the helm. When employers keep secrets from employees, and employees keep secrets from one another, before you know it, the entire office is riddled with backhanded conversation, backstabbing, and conniving. People are so preoccupied with "he said, she said" banter, they lose sight of the bigger picture: a hard day's work. When gossip is used as a way to climb the organizational ladder, relieve pressure, or deal with change, it's difficult to escape. So how do you avoid jumping on the rumor mill wagon without alienating yourself?ZIP YOUR LIPS - Once the gossiper starts tempting you to take part in the chat, refuse to play by saying "I'm not comfortable talking about that." But remember, even if you're simply listening to the gabfest, you're still egging the offender on. You're only innocent if you don't participate at all.TURN THE TABLES - Most gossips try to stay on top of the grapevine to keep attention off themselves. Flush out their insecurities by asking them personal questions about their own love lives, interests, or problems. They may change their ways once the scrutiny is on them. TRUST NO ONE - Women's job satisfaction tends to skyrocket when they work in a cohesive, nurturing environment. But don't be fooled. You may have developed lasting friendships, but if it comes to a coworker choosing between loyalty and job security, which do you think she'd pick? If you feel the need to complain, get with friends who don't work for the same company. DEMAND STRAIGHT TALK - If your boss or coworker gives you honest feedback, there's no need to involve a third party or have to go on the prowl for information. A good leader is transparent and direct, even at the risk of being hurtful and harsh. This goes for employees as well. Your boss is not a mind reader - voice your concerns. Don't resort to whispering in the restrooms! Next Page: If You're A Gossip [page]IF YOU'RE A GOSSIP: We gossip to position ourselves above others. But you almost always look bad discussing someone else's shortcomings. People see you for what you are - an insecure tattletale hiding behind others. And by the way, no one is exempt from being talked about. Not even you. Plus, your loose lips could easily sink your chances of advancement. No boss is going to promote someone who appears to enjoy telling tales. But you can be in the know without talking behind someone's back. So what do you do if you're part of the problem?STOP - Bad habits can be unlearned. So why should you? Being known as the water cooler girl kills your credibility. People will come to you for useless info and nothing more.BECOME TRUSTWORTHY - Confidentiality is king in any business. If your boss doesn't think you can keep a secret, you're less likely to be privy to significant info that affects the organization. If you can't hang with the movers and shakers, how will you get up the ladder? REFOCUS YOUR SKILLS - You've proven you can hold an audience and tell a good story. Why not use your powers for good? Use your social skills to build alliances and relationships that help the business rather than tear it down. UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTION - Ask yourself why you are participating in the mudslinging. Are you dissatisfied with your job? Are you jealous? Self awareness helps you understand what's behind your words and may prevent you from saying something you'll regret.USE YOUR WORDS - When you withhold info from a coworker to spare her feelings, the truth can fester and potentially blow up at the most inopportune time. You may use the inside scoop as a weapon if she gets on your nerves down the road. Honesty is the best policy. IF YOU PLAY, PLAY SMART - If you absolutely must take part in the gossip, keep it light and tactful. Never say anything you wouldn't like seeing sent around the office with your name attached. Next Page: Why Not Stop The Gossip? [page]WHY DON'T PEOPLE STOP GOSSIPING? Why don't workers recognize their gossip's harmful effect on office productivity? And if they do, what keeps them from putting a stop to it? Gossiping is a vice because it seems like a victimless crime. You don't always see the effects of your hurtful words. Controlling your mouth is even more difficult when your job is on the line. With job security as a number one priority, gossip often becomes fair play if it means getting a leg up on the competition. Here are a few other reasons why cubicles remain breeding grounds for rumors:LACK OF AWARENESS - One of the biggest reasons gossip is so pervasive in offices is coworkers aren't aware they are even taking part. Office babble has become such a natural part of the workday that people fail to see the repercussions. If you need an excuse to fill the dead air, talk about your weekend and not who you saw doing what with whom. PAYOFF - Gossip is a socialization process that binds people together, even if it's in a malicious way. Being part of the "in" crowd (sound like high school?) and having some tidbit to add to the powwow gives a sense of inclusion. And if you're part of the clique, ahem, team, you're more likely to be picked for projects and promotions. Unfortunately, sometimes it's not what you know or even who you know, but how much you know about others that can give you an edge (at least in the short term).RATIONALIZATION - Corporate cultures are more cutthroat than ever. People are made to feel that gossip is a necessary evil and you must be manipulative to survive. You either use it to your advantage or become a victim. FEAR - Many coworkers engage in gossip either to look good or avoid looking bad. You're either doing the talking or being talked about. If you unexpectedly withdraw from the conversation, you could be seen as a tattletale or traitor. Is it worth the potentially alienating side effects? Yes. GOOD INTENTIONS - Is it gossip if you tell everyone that Janie from accounting is going through a divorce? Were you trying to hurt her reputation or just chewing the fat? Intent doesn't matter. Once it's out of your mouth, you have no control over how your listener relays the message. Don't be the source and you'll have nothing to worry about. Gossip is not easy to escape. And it's not all bad. It can help build friendships, build teamwork, and even help new hires get acclimated with the company culture. Plus, some gossip's worth hearing as long as you resist passing it along. But that's where it gets tricky. The best advice is to steer clear of any negative conversations about someone who is out of earshot. That way you won't feel guilty about participating in the gossip grapevine or attract people who enjoy cutting others down. Instead, foster an environment where people feel comfortable talking out in the open about their ideas and opinions. Then there will be no need for gossip in the first place. Source: Games at Work, Mauricio Goldstein [widget:related reads conflict]