Want To Put An End To Fights In Your Relationship Or Marriage This Will Help

A progress report from a female reader proves yet again that personal authority and leadership get results in your relationship and marriage.I got a letter from an old and dear friend that I want to share with you. She's not what anyone could call a pessimist or skeptic, just a woman with a logical mind who needs to see proof in her own life before anything can progress from "theory" to "fact" in her own mind. Meet Halle:David,Okay, so I've been reading your newsletter for a while now, and of course, I've read your book, but I still wasn't 100% buying into some of your "theories" (don't spank me, you know how I am about this stuff!)... but my current relationship is slowly but surely striking down each and every one of my "objections." I wanted to tell you about the most recent one.I've been dating this guy for about 4 months... we have progressed VERY slowly due to a combination of work schedules (both very busy) and our combined set of "baggage," which, although small enough to fit neatly in the overhead compartment or underneath the seats in front of us, is still sufficient to cause us each to slam on the brakes every now and then. So after 4 months, we've JUST had our first "argument."It wasn't a particularly bad one by any stretch of the imagination, but due to the late (or rather, EARLY hour - it was about 3 AM), it did go downhill towards the end. I was having a very hard time articulating what I was trying to say, which resulted in several long, uncomfortable silences -- never a good thing when you're having a discussion in a dark room at 3 AM. At one point, I got upset because he was nodding off, so I got up and went into the bathroom.Actually, to be honest, I probably did more of a "storm" into the bathroom - and closed the door loudly so that he would hear it. He did hear the door close, which jarred him out of his nodding off, and he yelled through the door, "Do NOT get up and walk out on this conversation. If you've got something to say, SAY IT. It's late and I'm tired, so let's get this settled and MOVE ON!" Now, my first reaction was to think, "How DARE he talk to me like that? Who does he think he is? Talking to me like I'm a bratty little kid and he's my father... the NERVE!"But the truth is... I WAS being bratty. It took about 7 seconds for me to realize that, and his tone of voice was what did it. In theory, I would have told you that an authoritative attitude would NOT have worked to snap me out of any negative behavior patterns... it sounds like something that just wouldn't work for me. In theory, I would have told you that kind of tone of voice and those words would have hurt my feelings or made me cry... or just made me mad... but it didn't.That one statement was all it took to straighten my ass out! :-) The fact is, I was subconsciously testing him to see what I could get away with, and to see if he was man enough to stand up to me and pull me back in line. I think he's the first man in my life who's ever talked to me that way... and he's probably the first REAL man that I've ever been in love with. It should be interesting to see where this relationship goes...Thanks for your advice and your perspective -- I continue to be amazed at how RIGHT you are! :-)HalleMy response:Well, Sweetie, I thought you knew me better than to think I would indulge in anything that was merely a theory. That would amount to selling people the privilege of testing my theories in my book, which I would call "theft by fraud," among other things.I wasn't kidding about the 118 couples who helped in the research for my book, nor was I theorizing about anything that is in it. That's the result of working with all those couples and quite a few more after the first edition, and one of the first things that became immediately obvious in doing so was that what women think and say they want and what they respond to are quite often very different, and even opposite, like wanting a "nice guy."In any case, I'm glad it's helping. It will help a lot more if you just accept what you read in that book and seek understanding, benefit, and protection from your vulnerabilities through it. I'm not saying, "Trust me." I'm saying, "It's been proven beyond any reasonable doubt through application on a significant scale." You'll find it quite empowering to be able to prepare for the unexpected and dispatch most if not all of those secret fears that every woman is programmed to have throughout her life, which is the main reason I wanted you to have it.Take care, and keep in touch,DavidYou see, Gentlemen, what I keep telling you isn't theory at all. It's the result of studying and interviewing real people with real problems and making adjustments that brought real successes in their relationships. Some people are good at visionary things, like inventing or composing. Others are good at organizing things. Still others are good at following instructions and consistently producing a quality result. I'm good at studying cause and effect and developing operational models, policies, procedures, and at using these things to understand, manage, and eliminate crisis, not to mention PREVENT it.That's how "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" came to be. My relationship with my wife was cooling after a couple of years, and I had a lot of friends whose relationships were somewhere between "strained" and divorce court. I started researching, found a lot of good information (by filtering through and trying a lot of BAD information!) that was making fast improvements in my own relationship, and knew that it was so universal in nature that if it could work for me it could probably work for a lot of other people.I contacted my troubled friends and invited them to participate in a study and to contact their own friends with problem relationships and invite them in as well. After working with 188 women, we ended up with 118 couples, plus my own relationship, and all of us found major improvements, literally returning to honeymoon status: being fully engaged instead of going our separate ways after dinner, indulging in romance regularly, holding hands when we walked somewhere, talking about anything and everything with renewed interest, and returning to a satisfying sex-life after having slipped into that "the average couple has sex six times per year" status.That was over a decade ago. After working with a lot of couples, I was finally convinced to open a forum, where we continue to discover and refine, and where people with problems get help cutting through the emotions that cloud their judgment and identifying, facing, and working within the factual basis of their problems to quickly reach a solution. No believing, no hoping, no listening to somebody else grind their axe in an attempt to justify their own bad choices or blind leading the blind. Just knowing, doing, and making friends along the way. You're most welcome to join us at http://forum.makingherhappy.com.The best news of all is that the key to much of what makes a relationship or marriage work is for a man to start aspiring - or resuming -- to be a man instead of apologizing for being one. Can you remember how much fun it is to just be a guy? Can you even remember back that far? Were men still acting like men when you came into adulthood, or did you grow up in the age of political correctness and men crying in front of their women because some idiot who had a pocketful of opinions and theories and not a shred of credible proof if any of them had told them that's what women want?Women want men, real men, manly men who do manly things. Not thugs, not predators or parasites, and although you couldn't convince some women of it until they'd tried it, not metrosexuals, either, because they end up being girlfriends to shop with instead of men. They want a real man with a real purpose and a real smile, who can protect them from their worst enemy, boredom.They want more than that, but you're going to have to go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and get your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" to find out exactly what that is and how to make it happen. You'd better do it now, because every day that passes is another day that you get to spend either happy or unhappy, and you don't have any idea how many you have left. Neither do I, but even if it were millions more, I'd much prefer to spend them in a great relationship than in misery wishing I could have my great relationship back.In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!David Cunningham"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham