Over the last several years, and as of late, discussions have been building here centered around dating, particularly concerning men who disappear and reappear magically at whim, months or even years later.
I've read a lot of discussions where men state their reasons for performing this "disappear reappear" act and I see the same thing repeatedly:
"I don't want the confrontation, tears or pleading. I don't want to explain that I was becoming increasingly unattracted to her in some manner. It's easier this way, for her and I both."
One could agree with this, maybe it is easier on women if he just disappears rather than endure a sit down that involves hearing those harsh, hurtful truths. But either way you slice it, there are consequences for the actions.
The thing that truly amazes me is just how little men actually know of those consequences because for them, it's more akin to a hit and run. They don't stick around for the fallout. We all know that women are the more compassionate, sympathetic, emotional creature of the two. Men seem to suffer little to no emotional baggage after this scenario - and what they don't know is - women suffer tremendously from this scenario.
IT HAS BEEN SAID THROUGHOUT HISTORY THAT WOMAN WAS CREATED FOR MAN
If you believe that, it's understandable that she would be the more loving and compassionate of the two. After all, her place and reason for being is to calm the savage beast and give the gift of life, no? Many believe her existence was brought about to provide a place of solitary, loving sanctuary, acceptance, a form of release - and to provide him with offspring and perpetuate the species.
I hear lots of men complain about "effed up women" these days. You know, the women with issues, crazy women, psycho women, women who are emotional train wrecks, women who cry at the drop of a hat.. I've heard all of it.
And most of these statements are minimized by being followed up with a "Hmph" and a grin.
It's been my experience that the men tossing these comments around the most are the ones out there doing the most damage. Not all men do this, but the one's complaining about all these "effed" up women out there seem to be the biggest culprits in contributing to the issue.
I'm not creating this article to bash men. I love men. I can't tolerate punks and a**holes though. That I will admit. There's a big difference between gentlemen and punks. The point of this article is not to encite a gender war, but rather, strike up an open dialogue between the two in the hopes that the conversation can help others - both men and women - to better understand and respect one another.
I started this piece with the mention of the infamous disappearing act many men pull these days. I've decided to approach this discussion via the lens of the aftermath. Because it seems it's a woman's dirty little secret, the aftermath she experiences after being treated this way. It's something women discuss amongst themselves, but it's rarely a topic men are permitted to be a part of.
But before I get started, ladies... I want you to take notice of this fact while reading below:
MEN PROJECT OUTWARD - WOMEN PROJECT INWARD
Ladies, stop blaming yourselves and realize there's nothing wrong with you. He just wasn't right for you. It's that simple. Don't over analyze and read anything further into it. Stop looking for the problem and accept the reality.
Men, stop projecting blame in an outward manner and realize that women need closure for emotional reasons. If you're tired of meeting crazy women, stop adding to the problem. You'd be amazed at how treating a woman with a little respect can turn her into a well balanced, rational human being overnight.
The aftermath I'm about to list below that immediately follows when a man disappears and reappears works both ways, too, but not to such an extent with men. Men are not as quick as women to take the blame or project their thoughts on the matter inwards and onto themselves. They tend to project outwards, many times, onto their next road kill, even if unintentionally.
Women tend to project inwards and onto themselves, looking for where they went wrong, what they did wrong. Trying to consciously control this type of thinking sounds easier said than done and what men need to understand is that - women are women. They have deeper emotional connections than men and I believe this is, in part, directly related to their ability to grant life - give birth.
I mean, what greater emotional connection on earth could there be, right? You grow another human being inside your body and you endure great pain bringing that life into this world and you understand all of the complexities involved. Imagine if woman did not have the compassionate, loving, enduring nature she is born with and the various complex emotions to feel and experience empathy?
What kind of a mother would she be then?
Men, women HAVE to have these varied emotions for many reasons and what you need to understand is that they really do need to be treated with respect in order to fully be well balanced, rational and remain loving in nature. To disrespect the emotions women were born with or expect them to "just get over it" and wash them away is really a very barbaric notion. It would be like asking her to remove and wash away all the very things that make her tick and possibly, even her entire reason for existing.
After all, isn't it the warmth, loving acceptance and pleasure a woman provides to you that draws you to her in the first place? Her emotions are very necessary if she is to love you in the unconditional manner you request of her.
Having said that, let's get started. Below, I am listing the various stages a woman experiences when a man disappears and reappears. Seen as how that's the number one reason women show up here, I figure we can all benefit from a little open discussion on the matter.
THE AFTERMATH WHEN MEN DISAPPEAR AND REAPPEAR
STAGE ONE: SHOCK. The kind of shock that's a huge blow. Imagine a woman is wearing a shiny suit of armor. Let's use that shiny suite of armor as a metaphor from this point forward, a symbol of her sexiness and approachability. Now...take a swing at that armor with a sledgehammer. See the big, giant dent left behind?
STAGE TWO: INCREASED ANXIETY. Anxiety that is heightened to such an extent, it brings on bouts of worry and despair that can be unbearably dark. I think every woman truly wants to make a man happy. Rejecting her loving nature and the things of value she has to offer you can be truly devastating. That shiny suit of armor she's wearing, her sexiness? Take two big handfuls of mud and sling them onto it. Now there's a big dent and she's covered in mud. Not quite so sexy anymore, huh?
STAGE THREE: SELF BLAME. Is there something wrong with me? Why didn't he like me? What did I do wrong? When this stage sets in, she's taking that shiny suit of armor off, standing it up against a tree and hurling a slew of rocks at it. Small chinks are being punctured into it, tiny dents are now facing its muddy surface and the initial giant dent is looming larger than ever.
STAGE FOUR: WORRY. Will anyone ever love me? Will he ever come back? That shiny suit of armor is still off, standing up against the tree only this time, she's swinging away at it with her sword, inflicting long open gashes across its surface. Swing, swing, swing away.
STAGE FIVE: ANGER. I will never speak to him ever again. He's a dirty, rotten scoundrel. She decides to fight the good fight. She's ready to enter the battlefield again and she's put the now not so shiny suit of armor back on in an attempt to offer herself some form of protection for the next round. Her sexiness, yea... she's trying it back on. She's attempting to slip into this dented, filthy dirty, gashed and chinked lackluster suit of armor once again.
STAGE SIX: ACCEPTANCE. There she is, suited up and ready to go, having accepted defeat yet willing to fight another day. Based upon the appearance of her once shiny suit of armor, it's clear to tell that something is forever changed. Something just doesn't feel right. It's obvious it's not the fit it once was. It's obvious that she's not wearing her sexiness as well as she once did.
STAGE SEVEN: THE REAPPEARANCE. Wait? What's that I hear in the distance? Could that be the sound of hooves? I see something, it's white. Wait a minute. Wait. Could it be? Well indeed, it is. Here comes Prince Charming riding proudly high atop his white steed. His suit of armor is gleaming in the sun and he now has some medals of honor attached to it. He approaches with delight - but only for a brief moment. Just enough time to start a fire, gobble down a meal, take a romp in the hay with the now worn and tattered woman he once knew... and then it's off to the next conquest, for there are many worlds to conquer and err... dominate.
STAGE EIGHT: THE END RESULT. There he goes, Prince Charming on his white steed, his suit of armor still glistening in the sun. And there she stands, a former shadow of the sexy warrior she once was. Used, abused, battered and bruised. Will she ever wear her sexiness as well as she once did? Will she ever be able to create another beautiful, shiny suit of armor for herself? Or will she simply take to wandering the roadside, like some living form of walking, talking road kill, for another passerby to take advantage of?
THE MORAL OF THE STORY
FOR LADIES IT'S THIS: Protect your shiny suit of armor, your sexiness, at all costs. For it is a very valuable thing indeed. Do not rely on someone else to polish it, to care for it, to cleanse it and to protect it. This is YOUR job and your job alone.
Never take any swings at it and never take it off because slipping back into it, you may find the fit isn't quite as comfortable as it once was. No one can love you unless you love yourself first.
FOR MEN IT'S THIS: Realize that women are women and that that's what draws you to them in the first place. If they did not experience the complex myriad of emotions that you ultimately use against them, they would not be capable of providing you the depths of loving sanctuary and acceptance you so desire deep down inside.
If you want to find a maiden in shiny armor, your equal, a woman you respect, admire and physically desire - then it is necessary to handle all women with great care to increase your chances, to increase your options, to increase the number of desirable women out there to choose from. If you want a gentle creature, you must treat them as the gentle creature they truly are - to ensure they stay that way.
GUYS, HERE'S A LITTLE FOOD FOR THOUGHT. Had you shown her a little respect by giving some reason, any reason or discussion to her for the breakup, the scenario above would've ended after Stage One. She would've had a giant dent in her armor, but it would've been easy to pound that out and restore it to its once pristine condition.
LADIES, HERE'S A LITTLE FOOD FOR THOUGHT FOR YOU. Had you not given of yourself so freely upfront and without requiring any knightly gestures from the man standing before you, you may not have suffered the first blow quite so devastatingly as it would've been clear to you that he wasn't fully invested.
We all increase our chances of happiness when we respect one another in addition to ourselves.
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