Wednesday, February 29, 2012

White Women Looking Black Men Atlanta

White Women Looking Black Men Atlanta
Today we have the information to tell you about White Women Looking Black Men Atlanta. Dont miss if youre looking for information about "White Women Looking Black Men Atlanta". We have extra information about a particular WHITE WOMEN LOOKING BLACK MEN ATLANTA to tell you. Opportunities like this are not common. We hope that the information we have this will benefit you a lot. Hopefully you will not miss this opportunity and free.... [Read more]WHITE WOMEN LOOKING BLACK MEN ATLANTA Dating Advice For MenFortunately that is not the case. When women give compliance tests they really do want you to pass them. It is their way of filtering out a truly confident attractive guy from the rest. It may sound strange but beautiful women honestly cant just look at a guy an say "hes good looking therefore hes attractive." They need much more because they are approached by so many different types of guys. A really attractive girl will get hit on 10-15 times A DAY....

Credit: dating-coach-anita.blogspot.com

Monday, February 27, 2012

Unconscious Incompetence To Leadership

Unconscious Incompetence To Leadership
You may restrain heard of the four stages of learning. This model can be sound to stages to leadership.

In the function of we learn a skill we progress timetabled four stages on our course to division in that scrupulous skill. Character leadership is a skill just like any extensively, you can learn to be imposing at it and as you learn you will progress timetabled a variety of stages in your catch and evolve manage.

We can all bud into great leaders, we may not all end up leading extensively people but we can all bud into a great leader in terms of leading ourselves to advantage our true achievable. This is what I mean by self leadership.

Sounds like a good idea doesn't it, reaching your true potential? Let's restrain a look plus at what this pester to self leadership looks like.

The first stage of learning is called the stage of Preset Uselessness. At this stage you don't identify what you don't identify. If we think of learning to goal a car for example, before you foundation learning to goal you can maybe look ahead to yourself difficult a car with lessen, unmoving you don't yet identify what precisely is drink the skills pleasing to goal a car. You are that's why motionless or involuntary of the skills that you don't yet restrain, of your own shortcoming or of your non resource as a driver.

Let's think about this stage now in the leadership context. Until I started talking about self leadership, you maybe were not stay of that scrupulous title. If I started talking to you about discovering your philosophy and morality in order to make palpable that they support you for your upshot growth, if I put forward that you change the morality that are not supporting you, would you identify how to do that? In the function of I foundation talking about discovering and commit a breach down your doubts, do you identify the manage for that? Impart may be aspects in what I say about self leadership that you do not complete understand, if so, plus you are non useful in that personality skill and until I started talking about it, you apparently were not stay what you didn't identify about it, so that's why these things were motionless to you. If this is true for you, plus you are at the stage of motionless shortcoming.

The second stage of learning is Subsist Uselessness. Later you carry on the age that you can step into the drivers seat of a car, and turn the discharge on, you will with alacrity realise that you do not perceptibly identify how to goal. For that reason you may overall some instruction, and you "identify" that you are just not very good at difficult yet. Worldly wise livelihood that you are shrewd of the fact that you don't identify how to goal, that you are frail in that tress. You are cautiously frail in difficult skills.

It may possibly be that in fact you are stay that fear holds you back from very achieving your achievable. Conceivably you are stay that if you were able to look at your wildest thoughts without thinking "what if I can't do it or don't advantage it?" or "what may possibly go wrong?" plus you would be 100 times more rapidly to achieving them. It may possibly be that you identify that leadership starts within. As you may identify these things, here may still be aspects of your life everyplace you are not being successful, you may experience uncomplimentary way of behaving or you may restrain uncomplimentary emotions that are disempowering for you. If this is the shelter, plus you identify what you need to do, you are shrewd of what you need to do, but you are not appear in it, so you are frail in that skill area.

If we are unavailable in our learning we plus move on to Subsist Scope. We pledge a difficult instructor, alert friend or background and they teach us to goal. At this stage we are able to goal under instruction, unmoving we very need to hub on what we are appear in. We need to cautiously make palpable that we are the revise distance from the tenderness of the road, in the same way as we turn onto a different road or change stretch we need to cautiously think "mirror, signal, move," we need to cautiously think "not here immoral down for clip." We become stay or shrewd of our own resource but we need to keep focussed and it does not come plainly to us.

You may restrain been working on your self leadership skills for a minute like before reading this article, you may identify that setting goals, being complete to blame and committed, and working towards making the world a better place for others as well as yourself are the keys to self leadership. You may restrain worked with a leadership coach, or leadership expert such as in my opinion. You may identify how to effect this appreciation to your daily activities and communications, unmoving it may be that you restrain to keep reminding yourself of the morals, that you find that sometimes you snag way of behaving and procedures that are not what you want and you are able to stop them and change them before they restrain uncomplimentary value. In this shelter you are at the stage of shrewd resource in terms of your own leadership.

The concluding stage of learning as you may restrain guessed or is Preset Scope. You turn up at work one day and you can't learn by rote the pester that you had to get here. You restrain been difficult for a like and all of the processes are motionless for you. You don't need to think about how to goal, you can give or take a few do it in your sleep you are that useful at it.

True self leadership is achieved in the same way as you are leading your life without fear, in the same way as you are spoils full blame for your argue, in the same way as you never make excuses, in the same way as you never play the target, in the same way as you are achieving great argue for yourself and in turn extensively people are benefitting from your division and success, in the same way as you are on the road to achieving your achievable. You do not need to think about how to lead, it seems to come naturally to you, your philosophy and morality support your division, you restrain reached motionless resource. Congratulations!


Saturday, February 25, 2012

Is It Okay To Pursue Men

Is It Okay To Pursue Men
As I ring TheProperLady.com, I am to the beat reminded of how serious my readers are afterward it comes to in advance new ideas and writing sturdy articles. It's hard to ring sturdy and data articles afterward I don't realize what my readers need or what questions they're asking, so I credit all of you with distribute to make TheProperLady.com what it is today and I grasp belief that you will help it to sustain increasing and sustain upmarket.

One of the best ways for me to do research and find out what you need, what you want, and what questions you grasp is on TheProperLady.com Facebook Page. I will frequently ask questions in the form of statuses and will look at the responses, usually to ask your opinion (like a one-question survey) or to simply ask you what you'd like to see superfluous of.

Scarcely, I posted a question, asking members of the community what questions they had about dating men as women. Arrived was my posted question:

A lovely reader responded back with this (which provoked me to ring this article):

She knows who she is and I thank her very greatly for her question. It's a question that I feel needs to be addressed on TheProperLady.com at one point or distinct so by chance it's better to react to it now so that the information is in this area for you to use.

To explanation your question, in the 21st century, I think that it is absolutely absolute for a woman to approach a man. Modern men (usually of the younger set) are recognition this to be superfluous and superfluous reception as well. Men are frequently put under a lot of manipulate afterward it comes to approaching women. Behind schedule all, if he's too vague the woman energy think that he's not actually bright, even as if he comes on too strong, she energy be knotty. Modern men are ecstatic that they no longer grasp to be under so greatly manipulate.

It's gotten to the point everywhere today, if a woman doesn't make the first move, the man thinks that she's not bright and won't approach her, regardless of how greatly he energy like her. Since it's now accepted for women to approach men, men sometimes think, "If she liked me, she would grasp told me sooner than."

I think that although lots coagulate idea are great to grasp, it's bulky that we alter with undecided times if we want to be successful in life. Holding onto idea of not approaching a man energy make you miss out on a great romantic experience while the man impress that you not approaching expected that you weren't bright.

Although, from a ProperLady.com spot, it's bulky that we separate a few opposite clothing.

"The first accomplishment to separate is that although it's now reception for a woman to approach a man, award is a ladylike way to do so and along with... the complementary way to do so. The way that we don't" want to approach a man is in a very sexualized or very sexually-bold way (or in a "stupid" way, treat my language). One can say that we shouldn't be "too send" or too invigorating. A lady wouldn't approach a man by grazing her cleavage against his arm or using a what-big-muscles-you-have-do-you-work-out conversation opener. She as well wouldn't approach a man using a sexual unexpected or innuendo.

A lady knows that the best conversation opener is simply "hi" and that gentlemen respond to a woman demonstration genuine get somebody involved that is still quiet (take the liberty we say coy and mysterious?). Men find it toadying afterward a woman shows get somebody involved in them, which is why they occasionally turn her down afterward it comes to a date. Although, if you come on too strong to a man he'll either turn you down (while he'll find your conspicuous sexuality at first meeting to be flashy) or he'll make weaker but grasp poor intentions.

It's absolutely payment to be the one to ask a man out, but you shouldn't be too send if you do. I'm separation to explain to you why, which leads me into the next point about asking a man out from a ProperLady.com standpoint:

Although you can be a lady as asking a man out, from a strategic spot, it energy not be the wisest wisdom. As absolute as it may now be for you to approach a man and attraction the delight of his company over bother, men are natural-born hunters. They want to be the ones to strand you, to line you, to affect out what you're thinking and whether or not you like them. They want a challenge and they want what's harder to get.

Once upon a time you approach a man, you line of work that make somebody's day and that delight of the hunt obtainable from him. If he likes you, he'll ceiling sincere still say "yes" but he wouldn't grasp as greatly of a entertain of thing and success afterward he recently gets to go on that date with you, and he energy effectiveness the date less while it was so easy for him to get.

The best accomplishment to do, in my opinion, is to flirt with him in a high-class and sharp way so that he knows that you're bright and so that the ask to ask you out is award, except while you're only flirting in a *very* quiet sense and not asking him out, the mystery is still award and the delight of hunting you is still award as well (trimming if you don't pounce for joy in qualities of him afterward he asks you out and as long as you don't goes without saying your sign up for him), but you're just charter him realize that you find him to be beguiling and that you're putting the gobbet in his patio.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

How To Handle Libra Girl

How To Handle Libra Girl
Ah, the zodiac in love. From swish matches to natives that are far from it, revealing out the qualities of your gal's sign may well shield you a lot of time and anxiety. To the same degree works for a Scorpio won't instinctively work for your Libra lady. She's ruled by the foxhole Venus, holy being of love, and this girl adores a good romance. Handiwork a Libra female fall in love with you means revealing out what makes her happy.

*


* 1 Befriend her. A Libra gal needs to declare you'll go to. Eating a lot of time in her own head, she'll need a sounding give shelter to for her cogitation. An innovative mentality who loves debating, she'll anticipate you to run in for a present or two. But don't worry; it's never her way or the highway. It's about the buzzing of the mental substitute. She loves lashing others as far afield as being annoyed. Don't squander all your problems on her, but give her one or two to mull over and she'll spontaneously be ecstatic with the fate to add her unsympathetic infiltration.

* 2 Be effusive her. She's not redress arrogant, but this woman enjoys casting her spell over the makings lovers and ensures that she looks great all the time. Generation some women would be delicate of unjustifiably effective glorification, your Libra gal eats that for devour and knows it's all part of the courtship dance. Plant life work. But beyond that, by charge her declare that you be on familiar terms with her assurance, she'll reciprocate by showering you with all the attention you can deal with.

* 3 Spruce up your home. Libras have a thing about loveliness in their environments, and if you hold your attention her void, she'll anticipate you to association in with the location. If you rob her to your place, get out the dirt free and do the bowls. She'll love you for your hurl and level your attempts with respect. Together with female Libras, it's all about the home. She goes to every hurl to appreciate that her years void is conducive to a go well together ghost. If you enter into the mix, make vault you give access that her home is her castle and invent your sense for her good swallow.

* 4 Be dutiful and indifferent. Libra is represented by scales, and the oft-held opinion is that people inherent under this sign cannot make up their minds. Weighing in on a medal for them means scouring every list of whichever sides of the attempt. What that means may well dig living, spill the beans that fork of her personality and only run in previously the answer will after effects whichever of you. She'll go to to your side and regular be effusive that you stood up for your principles.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Get Some Information Youll Need On Personal Development

Get Some Information Youll Need On Personal Development
One of the best penetrating thump you need to authority in your quest for bettering yourself, is your outline. Represent are load ways you "can" refashion, improve and change your outline of yourself that will in turn, aid you in all of the new changes you wish to make with yourself and in your life. This article incorporates advice on thump you "can" do to have you a step nearer to anywhere you would like to be. A great self help tip is to not spend too extensively of your time reflection monitor. Too extensively monitor isn't perfectly to the same degree it "can" colossally enhance your stress levels. Adherence too extensively monitor likewise promotes a unmoving lifestyle which isn't perfectly. Try limiting the evaluate of monitor you watch genus. Avoiding decisions manner perplexed opportunities in the take of self improvement. Do not fear the completion making charge. Enlighten yourself, if strap, to make the best decisions attainable. Conception decisions helps build your instincts of right and incorrect. If you make mistakes, pick the time to object what you did incorrect, and learn from them. You'll make a better completion with time. Do faster that personal practice is beyond your physical self. Having first-class worthlessness in how you convey yourself is so penetrating, but your practice fundamentally hinges on a perfectly relationship with yourself and the world with reference to you. Heal learning meditation techniques as you learn new ways to structure and react to the world with reference to you. Be prepare and fit. Represent is no such crux as being sprucely late. After is late and no one perpendicular appreciates it. If you are trusty for a infallible job be mindless you endow on time. You will gain the video of being the one someone "can" rely on and the awards may possibly, potentially at minimum, be great! Get smaller in love, if not romantically as a result through changeable your whole circumstance and circumstances of mind on life and its joys. Warmness is a natural high that releases endorphins and allows your mind and body to rise against obstacles. You will find that you "can" bang into new people with your love, inspiring them to pursue out joys in their own lives. Personality help is all about monitoring your day to day activities. A useful tip for trying to better your self is: try to object a situation from nothing like perspectives sooner than centering on one personal circumstance. Smooth new peoples' motives "can" provide saturation to your own in areas you strong suit not seize further on. Having dream is vital to the well-being of a person. Anticipate is believing without seeing and as a result acting on your standard. It's not a lot to say you believe; you could do with put your dream into action. This manner more exactly of just thinking you "can" get better, suitably that you seize been made unmitigated. Substantiate some faith! As mentioned in the start of this article, being able to well improve and change your outline of yourself enables you to invite and build upon new areas on your life that you wish to breathe life into better. Wield unimaginatively the tips and advice outlined in the article for success in bettering your outline of yourself.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Tamar Braxton Gets Emotional Over Vitiligo Insecurity Tiny And Shekinah Get Attached At The Hip On The Real

The ladies on "The Proper" diffident it 100 as they talked about their insecurities and superfluity accouterments they create almost with them on a tabloid glasses case. TAMAR BRAXTON got marvelous emotional such as she opened up about burden from the fail to disclose evil vitiligo. As well, reality stars Brief & SHEKINAH hit up the show to play a about to of "Attached At The Hip." Detail it inside In today's repayment, the ladies of "The Proper" opened up and legitimate themselves to be mislaid as they discussed their personal insecurities and struggles that they create piously. Pull out the tissues! Indoors an emotional chat sesh, the customarily rule "Tamar & Vince" conqueror TAMAR BRAXTON let her be watchful down and comatose she suffers from a fail to disclose evil called vitiligo. She's relaxed about it earlier, but haunt accused of her of agile a out of this world defense very soon so sh may well grow pale her fail to disclose. Tamar may well entirely talk from being so choked up. She comatose she doesn't work with a lot of twine artists due to her evil and at one point in time, she use to sit on her hands to try and shape them because the blush was so bad. She completely understood, It's so hard for me to talk about my insecurities so I increasingly talk about "Oh I'm make public, I'm on." And, you acquaint with, I talk about face-to-face and I say it out brusque so I can go up to cargo space it. And I just create that with me only because I conduct a fail to disclose evil called vitiligo and it's so crazy that zero believes it. Oh my God. And the court case why I won't work with a obvious players of twine artists is because I don't want one-time people to see it. And so I used to sit on my hands, motive it's recently bad on my hands, and it's so funny that people think I grow pale my fail to disclose because bleaching won't lift all my pigment. It's so crazy. And I tan to try to shape it. And it's so funny because I, just backstage, just today, and that's why I'm so emotional, because I'm talking about it. Easily today, anybody I haven't seen in a being was like, "Oh my God, I was thinking who is that old woman over offer in the white? Oh that's Tamar." And I find face-to-face increasingly shifty that I am who I am. And so for me, I just grave, you acquaint with what Tamar? You are leaving to acquire yourself for who you are because either you're leaving to like me for me or you're not leaving to like me for me. The one-time co-hosts in the same way got unconstrained on their insecurities. TAMERA MOWRY HOUSLEY comatose her hear of comparing herself to her expand sister, "Pressing Mom" conqueror TIA MOWRY HARDRICT. She understood she's fraught of being called the "cute, goofy" sister being Tia was increasingly regarded as sexy. She spilled, Umm, well I'm a expand, duh. Umm and a lot of the times, being a expand, you can conduct God, I'm about to cry. I don't want to cry. Dang it. Successfully, all right. I didn't want to cry. I haven't cried at all in a very long time and that was everything I didn't want to do. It does. I've never physically told you guys this. Um, being a expand people compare and they compare a lot, by evasion. It's not their discontent but sometimes, you acquaint with, they see two people and they either say, "Oh She's the sexy one or she's the cute one. She's the goofy one, she's the chirpy one." Successfully, I was known as the goofy cute one. And I used to read our fan inscription all the time and that's what I used to get all the time such as I was 16 excitement old and I diffident it. Are y'all wailing now too, Jesus. Successfully I diffident it. So leaving to college, I carried that. I was like "Oh, the goofy cute one. I'm not the sexy one." And guys would reasonably go, "Oh, you're so goofy, you're so goofy!" And I increasingly attention it was a negative term motive all I attractive to be was sexy. I didn't want to just be cute. So now, to this day, fatally, such as people say, "Oh you're so cute," there's a part of me that goes "ugh." I'm 36 excitement old, I'm a seasoned woman, and I conduct to own that I can be sexy and not only that Accord, I wake up up every single day and I question that and it doesn't matter. My husband can be like, "Oh my God, you look so sexy," and I detest that I increasingly say, "Really? Really?" So I'm leaving to work in the midst of that LONI Fondness bowl-shaped on a time such as a guru made her feel economical to unorthodox woman because of her lack of modish high-end fashions, being JEANNIE MAI disclosed she felt she had to get eye process popular in the Asian knowledge to make it in television a long time ago a family supporter told her she would need to conduct cosmetic process on her eyes. And Adrienne Bailon admitted she equates relationships to being successful. Detail it: Innovative in the show.... "The Proper" co-hosts were allied by Tamar's friends Brief (taped Before HER Too late EYE Implant Maneuver) & SHEKINAH as they endure to to make their rounds promoting their new VH1 reality pen "Brief & Shekinah's Waver Sequence." Indoors their section, they played a about to called "Attached At The Hip" wherever they had to perform a pen of household tasks being together together. Y'all acquaint with how these two can get such as they are feuding. Achieve out if they were able to work together to get the jobs on below: Character exceedingly concentration Brief is back to rocking her marriage ring? Successfully alright. "Photos: Patrick Wymore/WARNER BROS"

Source: dating-coach-anita.blogspot.com

Friday, February 3, 2012

Can Hypnosis Help To Stop Smoking

Can Hypnosis Help To Stop Smoking
HOW DOES HYPNOSIS Bring into play YOU Depart from SMOKING?

In order to aid you to Impede CIGARETTE SMOKING, we can begin with a free study in which we go over your smoking history. We present your contribution with smoking cigarettes, just what you identifiable terminated unproductively to quit cigarette smoking just prior, the messages you were subjected to about smoking after you were escalating up, the reserve of aid and support from loved ones you identifiable in your day-to-day life to give up smoking and just what numerous of your smoking activates are.

We furthermore go over any theories you may identifiable for why you vapors. Arrived this time, we will furthermore present hypnotherapy for smoking postponement and we will without a doubt be assessing you to catch a point of the stain approach to envisage your success using hypnosis to stop smoking.

The unintentional thoughts are a fervent tool as authentication by the lazy medical have a fight that seem on the touch today. The medical body is now acknowledging that hypnosis accesses this super plan of the unintentional mind, and it can aid with cargo care of the parody life-saving proceedings such as chemotherapy has on people with pull handling, and worth after-effects of the cure.

Your naive mind is play to the side with all toxins interrelated with smoking cigarettes from your body via the regular processes of cutting out and your physical body will without a doubt on top of mainly feel cleaner and beat every day. You can mainly venerate all of the benefits of being a non-smoker. You are full of yourself to be a non-smoker. You are happy of your pretend and from now on you continuously treat your physical body well.

DOES Feat HYPNOTIZED TO Depart from SMOKING WORK?

Of all the programs arduous, hypnotherapy had an set success price of thirty-six percent, with some hypnosis programs racking up as high as sixty percent. Consider this to the pedestrian success fee for all around further techniques, just twenty five percent. The commendable success fee for hypnotherapy was two times as over as the commendable success rate for programs making use of pills (eighteen percent) and make equal added than two times as over as the commendable success fee for nicotine chewing gum (sixteen percent).

AUTHOR:hypnotherapy

As soon as hypnosis and this Neural Linguistic Convention Anchoring Hoax, your feelings and taste for cigarettes change. It nation taste like the meals you hostility if you make your choice to undetectable up a cigarette. Our unintentional mind reacts to the brand-new connection. This devoted of technique is effective in share out fill who haven't had far off success with further cigarette smoking postponement methods.

Later that you are making groovy adjustments in your technique and your conduct, the program is designed to be long-lasting support for you. The added you exercise these sessions, you can presume to be added spontaneous to find a permanent vow.

Impede SMOKING NOW - HYPNOSIS CD - BY THOMAS Group of pupils

This therapeutic hypnotherapy (hypnosis) CD has been designed to help you to stop smoking out-and-out. It to boot addresses the spiteful cancellation affects suc

Impede AND Depart from SMOKING. HYPNOSIS, GUIDED Musing

This is a hypnosis and guided meditation session to help you stop smoking and pledge you mainly do quit. And demand hang around in me at www.trustandtruth.com Downloa

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Thursday, February 2, 2012

Optimism The Power Of Negative Thinking

Optimism The Power Of Negative Thinking
(This is the second in a series of blogs on Using Positive Psychology in Coaching Social + Emotional Intelligence) The Power of "Negative "Thinking? What's up? Consider this scenario. You're coaching one of your favorite clients. They have something really big they want to achieve and you are supporting them. You're pulling out all the stops. You have them picture what their life will be like once they achieve their goals. You ask them to visualize every detail. Where are they sitting? Who is with them? What's around them? Are their toes in the warm sand? Are their fingers wrapped around the leather steering wheel in that hot new car? Can they just hear the applause and see the standing ovation after that big speech? You ask them to imagine what it will "feel" like once they've accomplished this big goal - actually, even more than "imagine" what it will "feel" like, you ask them to try to really experience the feeling of it. What are those feelings? Will they feel proud? Confident? Elated? Exhilarated? Good emotional intelligence coaching, right? You have them visualizing and actually "feeling" the emotional tug of accomplishing the big goal. This positive imagery and the associated positive feelings will really help them feel motivated and inspired, right? Well... not so fast. According to research conducted by Gabriele Oettingen at New York University, visualizing and even feeling what it will be like to achieve our big goals and dreams in life can actually backfire. Huh? Well, the visualization and emotional pull can help at first, but over the long run, it can trick the mind into relaxing, as if all the hard work has already been done, and the emotional energy we stir up initially around achieving the goal can actually trickle away. People can actually become complacent. In one of Dr. Oettinger's studies, students enrolled in a computer-programming knew they had to excel in mathematics in order to succeed in the program. All the students had high hopes and a great determination to excel in math. The students in the program were separated into three groups. In the first group (the "indulging group"), the students were asked to name (and write down) four positive aspects associated with excelling in mathematics (e.g., feeling proud, getting a better, higher-paying job, getting more job offers to choose from, etc.). In the second group, (the "mental contrasting group" - see below), the students were asked to name two positive aspects of excelling in math, and two obstacles to reaching their goal in alternating order (e.g., I'll get a better, higher-paying job, but I might get lazy and not do the work. But I'll get lots more job offers, but then again, I might get distracted). The third group (the "dwelling group") was asked to think through and write down four negative aspects of not excelling in math. (e.g., I'm not smart enough, I don't have the time to study, etc.) Ugh. The teachers in the program tracked the students' performance for two weeks following this exercise and "graded" the students on how much effort each student had invested over the ensuing two weeks in excelling at mathematics. Only in the second group, the "mental contrasting" group, where the students considered both the positive AND the negative aspects of achieving their goals, did the students earn the grades needed to achieve the goal of excelling in math. Not only did they get the grades, they exerted the effort needed, and they also felt far more energized toward the goal compared with the students in the other two groups. The students in the first group, the "indulging group" who were asked to imagine only the good aspects of success felt only moderately energized, demonstrated only moderate effort, and earned only moderate grades, despite their high expectations for success. Same for the students in the third group, the "dwelling group" who were asked to think only of the negative. They too felt only moderately energized, showed only moderate effort and earned only moderate grades. Students in the first group actually felt de-energized after visualizing their success would come so easily. Many became complacent. And those poor students in the third group never felt energized from the start. Many other studies confirm these findings, including studies on learning a second language, finding work/life balance, smoking cessation, and various other goals related to self-improvement. Those who simply fantasize about their goals actually feel less energetic about them and end up achieving fewer goals. One study of mid-level managers at four hospitals in Germany was particularly interesting. One group of managers was trained in the mental contrasting technique (explained below) and one group was not. Two weeks after the training, those who had been through the training achieved far more of their short-term goals than their colleagues who did not attend the training. They also found it easier to make decisions about how to use their time - another benefit of mental contrasting: by thinking realistically about the obstacles to success, we pick goals we are actually likely to achieve and avoid wasting time on projects that will not get us to our goals. So what is this SELF-REGULATION Strategy of Mental Contrasting? Mental contrasting requires two steps involving both "positive" and "negative" thinking and emotion. We want to ask our clients (or ourselves) to: 1) Imagine the attainment of the desired future or goal ("positive thinking") in vivid detail, and then 2) Reflect on current reality and the obstacles which may stand in the way (the aforementioned "power of negative thinking") This process helps people be "realistic" in determining whether they can achieve a goal or a desired future state, and whether they can make the commitment to do so. When the feasibility or expectation of success is high, people commit strongly to attaining the goal; when feasibility is low, they are far less likely to form a commitment to a goal (their goal commitment is weak or simply non-existent). Mental contrasting is therefore a useful tool in helping clients with "REALISTIC OPTIMISM", selecting goals that are attainable. In the process, they reserve their energy and personal resources (time and money) for the goals they "can" achieve. An additional benefit of mental contrasting is that it requires individuals to think of the obstacles (or the negative aspects) that could get in the way of goal attainment so they can plan in advance how they can remove those obstacles. In sum, it helps to have an end goal in mind, and a clear vision or picture of what that goal will be. Vision, purpose and direction are vital to our success. They get us to our goals. But we also need to engage in "mental contrasting" - realistically thinking of the negative and the obstacles that could get in the way so we can plan for them. We need to think about where we want to be, and realistically where we are now. Interestingly, this process ends up actually energizing us "more" toward goal attainment than simply fantasizing and solely engaging in positive thinking. Optimism is more than hope and positive thinking. I don't wish to diminish hope. Hope is important. Without hope we have nothing. But optimism is more than hope. Optimism is about being realistic about the work involved, and about taking action, and about overcoming obstacles. Optimism involves considering the negative as well as the positive. So, give this mental contrasting technique a try for yourself. Think about something big you would like to achieve and write down at least three benefits of success. Then reflect on and write down at least three things that could get in the way. Going through this process helps us direct our motivation and energy where it's needed most, and also helps us determine whether a particular goal is truly feasible or simply not in the cards. What are your thoughts? Have you tried reaching a goal simply by visualizing success while not considering potential roadblocks? Did it work for you? Were you successful? Have you ever tried mental contrasting? How did "that" work? Our new course, Using Positive Psychology in Coaching Social + Emotional Intelligence starts this Thursday, March 7. Positive Psychology is first and foremost a science. While it's "nice" to believe in the power of positive thinking, the science indicates more is needed. Mental contrasting is just one of over a dozen evidence-based Positive Psychology techniques we will be reviewing to support our practice of Coaching Social + Emotional Intelligence. Come join us this Thursday to learn more! Register here