"You name it, I've tried it! I joined not one, but two online dating sites. I've tried speed dating. I've hired a matchmaker. I asked my friends to fix me up. I went on a "singles cruise" to Mexico. I joined two local singles groups (a volleyball league and a hiking club) and participated in several outings with them. I have been on more blind dates than I can count. The result? Nothing. A few nice evenings here and there, but mostly it has all been futile. I feel that I have tried everything and I just didn't meet that one special person to spend my life with. At what point should I just give up?"
"
I have no idea what she means by "give up". When you give up dating, does that mean that you turn down every guy who asks you out, no matter how much you like him? Or does it mean just giving up with the matchmaker sites, etc.?
I think they faked this letter. This woman claims that she has been trying for an entire year and hasn't yet found someone to marry. Who thinks that dating works like this, that you set aside a year of your life, find someone, marry him, and then voila! It's done. If this is a real person, she is setting herself up for some serious disappointment, because even if she finds that magical being "The One", she will find that her work isn't done. You know, relationships take work, blah blah blah.
The advice that she gives--what can I say? Brillance.
"I see only two options: give up or keep trying. If you truly want to find a man with whom you can happily spend the rest of your life, then the answer is obvious. You have to keep trying. Yes, at its worst, the search for a wonderful mate can be frustrating, time consuming, lonely, painful, and/or heart-breaking... but it is a means to an end. You endure it because the end result is worth it."
"
You too can achieve the holy grail of someone who feels comfortable farting in front of you. Why would you want to give up?
The columnist then compares dating to pregnancy and childbirth. I'm not kidding.
"I am reminded of pregnancy and child-birth as I write this. As the mother of three children, I endured (collectively) 27 months of nausea and discomfort being pregnant, several months of bed-rest, plus 3 severely painful deliveries... all because I wanted to have children. And do you know what? I could barely remember that pain once they were born."
"
Okay, we've all had bad dates that felt like they went on for 27 months, but I think this is a little extreme. After all, you can't drink during pregnancy, and in dating, it's practically a requirement.
Maybe she means that in order to catch a man, you need to make like you have morning sickness and throw up alot. Or maybe she just means that dating involves lots of bed rest, which is something that I can totally agree with.
She then proposes that the young lady approach dating like it's a business project of sorts.
"You need a plan. If you've joined two online dating services so far, pick a third now. Get feedback from friends about your online profile to make sure it's effective. You've tried speed dating? Try it again, and try a few different agencies. You've joined two local singles groups? Pick two others to join now, perhaps something totally different than sports-related groups (how about a church group or a wine-tasting club?). You've asked all your friends for fix-ups? Ask them again, ask your work colleagues, ask your neighbors, and even ask your great-aunt Mildred."
"
Forget aunt Millie! She's always holding out on all the good young men she knows. It's like pulling teeth getting a recommendation from her. But work colleagues are a great idea--god knows how much people appreciate being bugged to cough up phone numbers of single friends, especially when they are at work. And don't forget to treat your dates like you are interviewing them for a job! People love that, you know.
"There is no such thing as "having tried it all" in the love business - you need to forge ahead, keep your chin up, and try again. After all, you know the alternative. "
"
The alternative is the mail-order bride sites. But you shouldn't resort to that unless you haven't managed to get married in two whole years.
"Rachel Greenwald, M.B.A., is the author of The New York Times Best Selling book" Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School.
I didn't know that they were teaching that husband-finding course at Harvard. I guess they thought it was appropriate after they were forced to go co-ed.
Anyway, I am looking forward to Greenwald's next book instructing men over 35 how to find wives. Presumably, the first piece of advice is not at the Harvard MBA program, which is only 35% female.
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