Self-confidence is extremely important in our lives, every aspect of it. Yet many struggle to find it. It is directly proportional to success. The more self confident you are, the more likely you are to be successful. Let's take our school exams for example. Although self confidence could be dependent on preparedness, one could easily make mistakes or suffer from brain-block (the condition where someone forgets what he has learned for a proud of time) even after adequate preparation. This occurs mostly in oral exams. You might have experienced this.
Self confident people inspire confidence in others, their friends, colleagues, their audience, customers and even their "ogas" at work. This is one key way at which they easily achieve success. It's easier for you to be persuaded by someone speaks clearly, looks at you straight in the eye, holds his head up high and answers questions assuredly.
Likewise, you will be reluctant to follow or support a project that is being executed by someone who is always nervous, fumbling, scared and overly apologetic; in short, someone who lacks self confidence.
I'll be sharing some tips on how to build your self confidence. Even if you think you already are, read on.
Note: these tips won't make you Johnny bravo overnight but with consistency and determination you will get there.
I will be dividing the steps in the self confidence building process into 3 broad groups.
A. Psyche
B. Physique
C. Social habits
The 3 groups are not necessarily distinct. They can be practiced concurrently.
Steps in PSYCHE are
1. First of all, don't go down low but take a look at yourself. Recognize who and where you are at the moment. Then think about where you want to go and where you will rather be. Get your mind focused on the task ahead.
2. Make a list of your achievements so far. Think about the things you have done in the past that you have been commended for. Or something that when you look back to, you feel fulfilled and proud of yourself. Take a look at this list regularly so as to enjoy the success you have already had.
3. Think about your strengths and identify them. In what area of your life have you been most successful? Or what aspects of your being do your friends regard to be your strength or weakness. By identifying them, you get to know your strong point (opportunities) and weak points (threats). You can build from there on.
4. Think positively about yourself. Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable person, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself. Identify and challenge any negative thoughts that you may have about yourself, such as 'I am a loser', 'I never do anything right', or 'No one really likes me'.
5. Time to get more active. Set achievable goals for yourself. This is a very important step in the development of self confidence. Start with smaller tasks so that you won't be overwhelmed. As you achieve the small goals you set, don't forget to celebrate your success. As these little successes pile up, you'll have developed some confidence to take on bigger tasks. Make setting and achieving goals a habit. But WATCH-OUT, do not get over-confident or over-stretch yourself.
6. Learn to catch yourself every single time you tell yourself that you can't have, won't get or aren't good enough to get what you want.
7. Listen to your doubts but be ready to make deliberate decisions once you've heard them. Sometimes your doubts are there to let you know what you need to prepare for, so you can use them to your benefit as you move forwards.
8. Be thankful. A lot of times, lack of confidence stems from the feeling that you do not have enough of something (money, love etc). This also causes one to be insecure. When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can't have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. Combat that feeling and find that inner peace.
PHYSIQUE
9. The way you dress says a lot about you. Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don't look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. This doesn't mean you have to spend a fortune on clothes. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many but select high quality items. This decreases the amount of money spent in the long run because they don't wear out as fast and they remain in fashion longer than cheaper, low quality ones.
10. Work on your personal hygiene. Bath and shave frequently, wear clean clothes, style your hair, trim your nails, and floss your teeth. I am sure it wouldn't 'add' to your confidence if you are described (even once) as the guy or lady with BO or MO (Body odour/Mouth odour). This alone can crash the confidence you have been building like the world trade centre on 9/11.
11. WORK OUT! And not by MOUTH. Get fit. Put yourself in the shape of your life. If you're out of shape, you'll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your physical appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive.
12. Your posture and how you walk say a lot. Stand up straight, keep your head up and make eye contact. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movement automatically send a message that they lack confidence. When walking, walk faster. People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you are not in a hurry or got nothing to do, don't show it.
PSOCIAL HABITS (the 'P' is silent)
13. Do more of the things that you enjoy doing. Do at least one thing that you enjoy every day, and remind yourself that you deserve it. Make yourself feel good.
14. Do something nice for others. Think about other people around you. Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you're making to the rest of the world, you won't worry as much about you own flaws. For example, visit a friend who is sick, or get involved with a local charity. The more you contribute to the lives of others, the more you'll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.
15. Learn to compliment other people. When you feel bad about yourself, you tend to project that feeling to other people. Break the habit of gossiping, back stabbing etc and replace it with smiles, good gestures and praises. When you do this, you become well liked. People in turn say good things about you and you gain more confidence. So, always look out for something good to compliment others on.
16. Be heard. When in group discussions or meetings, always endeavor to make contributions. Don't be scared because you think you might say something silly. You will be surprised that people are much more accepting than you imagine. Share your thoughts, project your views. Ask questions. You become a better public speaker this way and also become recognized.
17. Avoid places, people that make you feel bad about yourself as much as you can. Or be more assertive.
18. Meet new people. When you attend social events, don't keep to yourself or to the people you already know. Go and have a conversation with someone you don't know and you never know what - or who - you'll discover.
19. When you make embarrassing mistakes in public, make fun of yourself. Laugh at your stupidity. This way, when other people try to make fun of you, you'll be having your own fun.
20. Lastly, get support. Share your troubles. Talk to friends and family about your difficulties and get advice from them. Who knows/ they may also be having similar problems hence, you can form a support group, or may have gone through something similar in the past, you get to learn from their experience.
Jack Welch once said, "Giving people self-confidence is by far the most important thing that I can do. Because then they will act."
Low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often manifests itself as negativity. Self-confident people are generally more positive - they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in living life to the full. So, which would you rather be?
by Abd.Quadr A. (@stl mcq) for www.qbizlinx.com
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